Lately I have been busy.
Not with anything super important, but just busy.
I am grateful to be busy because the busier I am the less I think about missing him.
Lately I just haven't had much time to think.
Again, an advantage that I am not dwelling on loneliness but a disadvantage that I stay up too late and do all the thinking I missed out on during the day. Thinking, and compiling a blog idea in "Notes" on my iPhone at 1am and not being able to sleep..that kind of thinking.
I am only moderately tired.
I'm consuming less caffeine, less food, trying to work out more.
I'm working full time and helping with my church musical and am pretty much always either talking to a family member, coworker, my dogs, or anyone on the phone.
I am reliant on TALKING to people. In fact, when I'm driving alone, or at home alone, I almost always reach for my phone and dial someone. First Ivan, then a family member, then a friend.
And if no one picks up….. I PANIC!!!!!!!
Really though, I have a desperate fear of being alone and having no one to talk to. I go crazy.
Tuesday night while driving home from work, I found out my sister wasn't going to be home until 9pm and my parents weren't coming home at all and, (confession) I whimpered.
Tonight is the one night of the week I have zero plans and no one to talk to.
Don't some people pay for this kind of freedom?
Aside from plugging along at my taxes a bit more and finishing this blog entry, my big plan for the night is to take a really long shower.
It's the little things!
Not with anything super important, but just busy.
I am grateful to be busy because the busier I am the less I think about missing him.
Lately I just haven't had much time to think.
Again, an advantage that I am not dwelling on loneliness but a disadvantage that I stay up too late and do all the thinking I missed out on during the day. Thinking, and compiling a blog idea in "Notes" on my iPhone at 1am and not being able to sleep..that kind of thinking.
I am only moderately tired.
I'm consuming less caffeine, less food, trying to work out more.
I'm working full time and helping with my church musical and am pretty much always either talking to a family member, coworker, my dogs, or anyone on the phone.
I am reliant on TALKING to people. In fact, when I'm driving alone, or at home alone, I almost always reach for my phone and dial someone. First Ivan, then a family member, then a friend.
And if no one picks up….. I PANIC!!!!!!!
Really though, I have a desperate fear of being alone and having no one to talk to. I go crazy.
Tuesday night while driving home from work, I found out my sister wasn't going to be home until 9pm and my parents weren't coming home at all and, (confession) I whimpered.
I have to be at home alone for 2 whole hours???
What will I do if I'm alone and I actually have to THINK!?!?
Seriously though, this sounds pathetic, but I am literally pushing myself along day by day and will only come out of my trance until March 31st when I pick up Ivan from the airport and I will be whole again.
Tonight is the one night of the week I have zero plans and no one to talk to.
Don't some people pay for this kind of freedom?
Aside from plugging along at my taxes a bit more and finishing this blog entry, my big plan for the night is to take a really long shower.
It's the little things!
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