This week I am approaching my 5 year wedding anniversary and I am only 24 years old.
So, if you're quick with arithmetic, you've figured out my dirty secret.
I am headed for a lifetime of embarrassment. I can't believe I didn't realize the whole 6 months I was engaged: I was going to be a child bride the rest of my life!!
I was only 30 days away from losing the title. Why couldn't I have just waited? Getting married at 20, although still very young, sounds a lot better than being wed at 19!
But, I am in it for the long haul.
So, what do I do?
I lie.
Once it hits December, I tell people I am 25 and I got married when I was 20.
Yes, I know lying is bad.
But I lie anyways.
Why do I lie? To answer that, I first must ask the question: why am I so embarrassed?
The first reason, is because I'm a minority.
In case you didn't already know, Marriage isn't that popular.
- Number of marriages in the US: 2.1 million (out of 313.9 million)
- Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000
- Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000
And, Most people don't get married young
- Average Age of Women getting married is 27
- Average Age of Men getting married is 29
- 60 % of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce.
My mother got married when she was 23.
My grandmother was 23 as well.
So in 1986 & 1957, the ladies who went before me even had the decency to wait until they were a little bit older. But for me, it was 2008 and I just went for it!
The second reason I'm embarrassed is: I lost some friends.
From the day my friends received my wedding invitation and thought, "WTF? We just graduated high school 16 months ago!!?!" I knew I was dubbed as "the girl who got married way too young."
I know, I know.
I know I got married way too young. I know I probably wasn't ready. I know it is going to be hard.
I know you think it's crazy and how could you ever be friends with me because now suddenly we have nothing in common.... Wait, I don't know that.
Why, suddenly do none of my friends want to spend time with me because they think we have nothing in common? We're still friends right? Why now, because I am married, am I put in a different social circle and outcast from my young, cool single friends that are just trying to figure everything out?
Do I seem like, because I got married way too young, that 'I have everything figured out?' Am I hard to relate to now because I got married and in any traditional mindset I, 'grew up?'
I will tell you loud and clear that I am married but I have not 'grown up' and now, more than ever I need friends! I need YOU! Why did you leave me? Why can't you be my friend anymore?
Did I do things out of order? Should I have had more 'crazy times' with you, my friends, figure my life out, 'grow up' and THEN get married? How do I even plan that? Can't I have crazy times, be your friend, figure my life out, grow up AND do it with a husband? That's what I want. Can't you just be okay with my constant +1 and be happy for me?
Or did I alienate you somehow, so you feel you can't be a part of my life now? Because I'm telling you now, that you CAN. Things never changed with me. I am the same person, only now I'm +1.
I'm also, a little better, a lot more easy going and I have a lot of really great experiences.
Being married for 5 years has made me a better person. In all honesty it has made me very happy and I'm embarrassed that I even feel embarrassed for being married. I shouldn't be. I should be proud! Because being married should be something to be proud of.
There are enough bad things in this world. There is enough sadness, enough heartaches, enough break-ups, enough infidelity and not a lot of hope for the future. Being married is a good thing! I can't look at it as some embarrassing thing I did and now that "no one wants to hang out with me," I'm just going to lie about it.
Why am I hiding the fact that when I was 19 years old, I went and did something good- I found someone who made me really really happy and I married him!
My name is Melissa and I was a teenage bride and that's awesome!
I didn't get married because I was pregnant, or I felt bad about myself, or I was dependant on a man, or I wanted to defy my parents, or because I wanted attention. I got married because it was what I wanted.
To clarify, I didn't want to get married when I was a teenager. I never wanted that. I was from Southern California and women were supposed to be independent and working and funny and ballsy and a Jack(not Jane) of all trades. I wasn't one of those girls who was obbsessed with weddings and had a million pinterest boards organizing her perfect wedding. In fact, pinterest wasn't even around yet.
I wanted to get a Master's, be a Broadway star, move to New York and get married when I was 27. Instead, I finished with a Bachelor's, toured the world as a performer, moved to New York and got married when I was 19. Different, but not very.
I thought when I got married young it would cut off some of my opportunities.
I thought I had to trade my life of fun and dreams for a life of cooking, cleaning and unfortunately, fighting. However, I find the opposite to be true. I find being married to make me more successful in my career, my realtionships with my family and my hobbies, skills and talents. There are things I wish I could change. In fact, there are lots of things I wish I could change. But I would never change my decision to get married when I did.
So, I'm not keeping it a secret anymore and I'm not going to lie.
My secret's out. I got married at 19!
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