be with the ones who love you

My diet hit an all time low when I themed tonight's dinner around the leftover Velveeta 

we had in the fridge.

The Mac & Cheese was delicious and everyone had seconds.

I used this recipe

except…. gulp… I ADDED 6 extra ounces of Velveeta!!

Who AM I????

Tonight is my 25th day without Ivan.  He is in North Carolina performing at a tiny haunted theatre doing Man of La Mancha and I have been in California with my family and working as an overachieving secretary by day.  All day long I was looking forward to the cheesiness!

Although I am on a day-counting basis with my long distance, I surprisingly have not been very tearful through out the weeks.  This streak took and unexpected end tonight when I sat down for the 

dinner I had excitedly made for everyone.

I just started crying.

It was me, my little sister and my dad and I cried as I said I didn't feel good and wanted to go to my room.

My dad said the sweetest thing.

Alright, but you have to come here and hug me first.

It was so sweet, I didn't even get up, I just cried more and said, "I MISS IVAN!" 

He replied,

We know.  

But when you're sad, you shouldn't go to your room and be alone, 

you need to be around people who love you.

Two months ago, in New York, I got Bed Bugs in my apartment.  I was in such despair and so overcome.  Why would this happen just as Ivan was leaving and I had to be alone?

I had the idea to go spend the length of Ivan's tour with my family in California rather than having to move by myself, or worse, be in an old, bug-ridden apartment.

I was alone in the apartment packing and cleaning and preparing to leave for only 2 weeks, but it felt like forever.  Sleeping on the couch, finishing off the cans of food, at the laundromat washing every item of clothing we had, everything was my personal hell.  I looked to the future and grew excited to spend the remainder of "my alone time" with my family in their home.

Today I feel so lucky and amazingly blessed to have this home to come back to and even more lucky for a sweet, caring family who loves me and takes care of me.

Especially when I am sad.

Everyone deserves to be around loving people.

Especially when you are sad.

Today I also want to say, that YOU have to be the person to allow those people into your life.  You can't hide out in your room, alone, feeling sorry for yourself.

Get out there and go find the people who love you!

Here I go,

M