When Should I Have a Baby - and Tactics of Distraction when you get QUESTIONS

I have been married 5 years and I get a surprising personal question asked to me and my husband fairly often:

When are you going to have a baby?

Here are my feelings on being asked such a personal, intrusive question.

For one, it sucks.  It's annoying.  We can complain about it, but instead I'll laugh at it!

I need to look at the positive.  It's not that intrusive.  People care about me and want to be excited for me when this important time comes, if ever.  If I'm in a good mood, I will give answer number one.  An answer, that without sarcasm, I do believe to be a true, great answer.

Number 1. We're just not sure.
      If they apologize, as I believe they should, I follow up with:
"That's alright, the fact that you're interested means you think we'd be good parents!"
It's true. It's easy and after you give the answer, you can come up with a clever excuse to leave.

Last weekend at church really got me thinking a lot about this baby asking situation.
I was in church on Sunday and a girl who is younger than me has two children already.
What does this say about me?
What are other people saying about me?
Do I want a baby now, or do I just feel like I should because I've already been married 5 years?
When will I be ready to have a baby?
What do I say when other people ask me when I'm going to have a baby?
Why all these questions? What does it even matter?


After some thought, I've come up with methods for answering the annoying question:
 "Are you having a baby?"
Here are 5 simple ways to answer.


1. Kindness
While you are probably not in the mood to be kind, one simple way to give an answer and be gone is to simply, BE NICE.  Responses like "Not sure, thanks for asking though!" or "Not yet, but we'll let you know once we know!" can work wonders and make the conversation end shortly. (phew,  it's over!)


2. Juicy Details: (TMI)
Another way to make this annoying conversation end abruptly is to give the unexpected party too many details.  Examples of responses are: 
"We're trying tonight at 11, call us then and maybe we'll have an update for you.." 
"I don't know, every since my husband lost weight, things just haven't been fitting right.." 
"We try to make a baby, but maybe we're just not doing it right.  How'd you get yours?"

Your goal is to make people feel the same amount of discomfort hearing the answer as you feel hearing the question.


3. Sadness or Anger
My mom always said that a good way to answer and have some leave you alone is to burst into tears.
It's no secret that women in relationships in their 20s-30s have been getting this question for generations.  So of course or moms would have good advice!  
When someone asks you the question, just get really upset!  
They'll have compassion on you and leave you alone, hopefully.


4. Indifference
Nothing ends a conversation sooner than a Debbie Downer.  If you act like you don't even care about having a baby, they'll stop asking, right?  Move onto a new topic like work, weather, boating or Jennifer Aniston.
A few emotionless examples of answers are:
"We don't want kids."
"I hate babies"
"Well, I have 2 dogs, and that's basically the same thing!"


5. Sarcasm
If the other answers were not already sarcastic enough, take this opportunity to really get in touch with your inner comedian.  The hardest part about hearing this question is when they follow it up with ADVICE.  

It's troubling the amount of advice I've received in my adulthood about the most personal parts of my life.  I don't mind hearing advice on small, meaningless things.  Can't someone tell me which necklace would compliment my sweater?  Nope.  Some people go right for the gold.  
"You should wear a white business suit for the Open House of your wedding.  My daughter-in-law did and she looked great!"
"You should really start your family early. Women's bodies are made to make babies at 16.  Things start dying off after you turn 21."
Oh my gosh.  I laugh at now, but it was so hard to except that advice graciously.

When a stranger gives you advice about when to start your family, say nothing.  But if you're feeling confident, accept the thought or advice gratuitously and follow it up with a real zinger.

"Thank you, do you have any other advice about my job, marriage, diet or maybe suggestions on a good marinade?"

Need more Tactics for Distraction?

Melissa Hoffman