I recently overcame some post traumatic stress from a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week I had over a month ago. Now that my nightmares have stopped, I can share my expereince with the world, with the daunting title of "the week."
Here's the daily play-by-play.
Saturday
I cry into Ivan's chest on the subway at 10:30 pm
I say
"I don't have any friends"
Yes you do
"Not real friends. I'm going to be so lonely when you're gone. Why am I so unlucky?"
I love you.
"I wish you didn't have to go."
Sunday
I am alone.
I say
"Today will be better."
I take a nap
Another humiliation occurs due to public weeping
I find a bed bug on my outer sheets
A mixture of freak-out and triumph is felt
I slump to the laundromat in the rain
My coat gets soaked through
I take two trips
I'm crying as I walk 4 blocks in the rain, pushing an old lady cart full of blankets
I text my friend
"I'm dealing with a bed bug fiasco. I need some help at the laundromat."
Man. That sucks!
I weep some more
Monday
I start to make other plans
I cry a little
I go to visit Ivan
I wait for Ivan
We ride the train for an hour
We arrive at our hotel
Our reservations are at a different hotel two hours away
We're on the phone for an hour
My mom helps me out
We go to dinner
We go home and sleep on the couch
Tuesday
I make a big breakfast
Ivan packs
My friend is rude to me on the phone
We go see a movie
We cry
We go to Target
I cry at Target
We go to dinner
We go to a party
I don't have the time of my life but it's not terrible either
Happy New Year
We kiss
Wednesday
We wake up from the couches again
We go on a long walk and hold hands
We heat up some pizza
We get on the train
We part
We tear up but don't cry.
I'm alone
I watch tv and sleep on the couch
Thursday
Theres a really big storm in New York
Everyone stays inside
I pack
I clean
Friday
The exterminator cancels
It snows all day
Saturday
The apartment's exterminated
I do laundry
I hang out at a coffee shop and apply for jobs
I'm lonely
At night I hate going to sleep and I keep thinking, this will all be over, I'll see him soon.
I'll look back on this and I will proud of myself. It's almost done.
And today, it is done. It's over. I hated it.
This play by play is hard to read. It puts me back into that sad lonely place.
But quick, hurry, reach…. ahhh.. It's over. And I never have to go back!
For one New York loving girl, this really was a trial. I love this place, but I am so glad to not be in New York right now. I love California. I love my family. I love the dogs. I love not being so desperately lonely every time Ivan calls me.
Please don't get sucked in the stress or depression of this week, leave it alone, think of happy things and realize: "Hey! My week is so much better than this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad one Melissa just had." Boy are we lucky that life is not all bad times. I am so grateful for the upswings of my life.
What a great, relaxing week it has been so far. Working a few days here and there, blogging, catching up on things and trying to fill life with happy times and a little less laundry.
Ah! It's over.
Here's the daily play-by-play.
Saturday
I cry into Ivan's chest on the subway at 10:30 pm
I say
"I don't have any friends"
Yes you do
"Not real friends. I'm going to be so lonely when you're gone. Why am I so unlucky?"
I love you.
"I wish you didn't have to go."
Sunday
I am alone.
I say
"Today will be better."
I take a nap
Another humiliation occurs due to public weeping
I find a bed bug on my outer sheets
A mixture of freak-out and triumph is felt
I slump to the laundromat in the rain
My coat gets soaked through
I take two trips
I'm crying as I walk 4 blocks in the rain, pushing an old lady cart full of blankets
I text my friend
"I'm dealing with a bed bug fiasco. I need some help at the laundromat."
Man. That sucks!
I weep some more
Monday
I start to make other plans
I cry a little
I go to visit Ivan
I wait for Ivan
We ride the train for an hour
We arrive at our hotel
Our reservations are at a different hotel two hours away
We're on the phone for an hour
My mom helps me out
We go to dinner
We go home and sleep on the couch
Tuesday
I make a big breakfast
Ivan packs
My friend is rude to me on the phone
We go see a movie
We cry
We go to Target
I cry at Target
We go to dinner
We go to a party
I don't have the time of my life but it's not terrible either
Happy New Year
We kiss
Wednesday
We wake up from the couches again
We go on a long walk and hold hands
We heat up some pizza
We get on the train
We part
We tear up but don't cry.
I'm alone
I watch tv and sleep on the couch
Thursday
Theres a really big storm in New York
Everyone stays inside
I pack
I clean
Friday
The exterminator cancels
It snows all day
Saturday
The apartment's exterminated
I do laundry
I hang out at a coffee shop and apply for jobs
I'm lonely
At night I hate going to sleep and I keep thinking, this will all be over, I'll see him soon.
I'll look back on this and I will proud of myself. It's almost done.
And today, it is done. It's over. I hated it.
This play by play is hard to read. It puts me back into that sad lonely place.
But quick, hurry, reach…. ahhh.. It's over. And I never have to go back!
For one New York loving girl, this really was a trial. I love this place, but I am so glad to not be in New York right now. I love California. I love my family. I love the dogs. I love not being so desperately lonely every time Ivan calls me.
Please don't get sucked in the stress or depression of this week, leave it alone, think of happy things and realize: "Hey! My week is so much better than this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad one Melissa just had." Boy are we lucky that life is not all bad times. I am so grateful for the upswings of my life.
What a great, relaxing week it has been so far. Working a few days here and there, blogging, catching up on things and trying to fill life with happy times and a little less laundry.
Ah! It's over.
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