Thank you to this stranger who took my photo at Seven Magic Mountains on my way to California :)
A few weeks ago, I took a video of myself talking in the car and basically telling the camera my testimony. It was focused around the happiness I felt and also receiving answers to prayers.
It was only hours after the offer on our house was accepted and I was feel so much gratitude but also so much fear for the unknown! Ivan was 100% confident about our house. He knew everything was right! I was happy and excited, but I did not feel 100%, nor did I know what feeling 100% certain on the house decision would even feel like. I prayed a lot when we had initially made the offer, asking for some certainty I was expecting! Not only was I expecting certainty, I was expecting to feel more "complete" or more "adult" than before because of this big addition to our lives.
While after many prayers I felt overall positive about our choice, I did not feel the clarity or completeness I had in mind. Over the past year, I was unintentionally "inactive" at my church, because I was on the cruise ship for 6 months and did not port on Sundays so there was no way for me to physically be in a church building. This is not the first time I've been in this predicament but it is the first time I had to do it on my own, without a husband there so we could encourage each other. While I never lost my testimony over the course of 2016, I did not spend the proper time nourishing it in the ways of scripture study, prayer and fasting. Instead, I let it float along with me- I followed the gospel and shared it with others, but failed to enrich my testimony through diligence of work and sacrifice! I felt some emptiness that I thought being a homeowner would fix. It did not. it could not. The only thing that could fix my testimony was to nourish it again. I needed to study MORE, to pray MORE and to FAST (i won't say more, i will just say fast AT ALL, because let's face it, I rarely sacrifice a meal) While I was still reading BoM occasionally and listening to conference talks weekly, I was spending much more time listening to music: musical theatre and it's art.
Musical theatre is an art form that has helped me grow in so many ways.
I even have a testimony of musical theatre. But I could not use my testimony of musical theatre to replace my testimony of the gospel, I can use them together.
Some of my favorite lyrics of Hamilton are:
I am the one thing in life I can control
I was the one who needed to build my testimony, not let it float along with me.
I have a testimony of forgiveness. I believe in fresh starts- every day can be a fresh start! We don't need to be perfect- we aren't expected to have a perfect track record for scripture study and we don't need to get down on ourselves with he whole week is blank, we just need to TRY and TRY AGAIN!
I have a testimony of families! I know families can be together forever because of temples and living worthy of our temple covenants. I love my family and I feel extra lucky to spend time with them in California this week! I know God loves me and I'm grateful for the lessons I get to learn in this life!
xo, Melissa
