be with the ones who love you

My diet hit an all time low when I themed tonight's dinner around the leftover Velveeta 

we had in the fridge.

The Mac & Cheese was delicious and everyone had seconds.

I used this recipe

except…. gulp… I ADDED 6 extra ounces of Velveeta!!

Who AM I????

Tonight is my 25th day without Ivan.  He is in North Carolina performing at a tiny haunted theatre doing Man of La Mancha and I have been in California with my family and working as an overachieving secretary by day.  All day long I was looking forward to the cheesiness!

Although I am on a day-counting basis with my long distance, I surprisingly have not been very tearful through out the weeks.  This streak took and unexpected end tonight when I sat down for the 

dinner I had excitedly made for everyone.

I just started crying.

It was me, my little sister and my dad and I cried as I said I didn't feel good and wanted to go to my room.

My dad said the sweetest thing.

Alright, but you have to come here and hug me first.

It was so sweet, I didn't even get up, I just cried more and said, "I MISS IVAN!" 

He replied,

We know.  

But when you're sad, you shouldn't go to your room and be alone, 

you need to be around people who love you.

Two months ago, in New York, I got Bed Bugs in my apartment.  I was in such despair and so overcome.  Why would this happen just as Ivan was leaving and I had to be alone?

I had the idea to go spend the length of Ivan's tour with my family in California rather than having to move by myself, or worse, be in an old, bug-ridden apartment.

I was alone in the apartment packing and cleaning and preparing to leave for only 2 weeks, but it felt like forever.  Sleeping on the couch, finishing off the cans of food, at the laundromat washing every item of clothing we had, everything was my personal hell.  I looked to the future and grew excited to spend the remainder of "my alone time" with my family in their home.

Today I feel so lucky and amazingly blessed to have this home to come back to and even more lucky for a sweet, caring family who loves me and takes care of me.

Especially when I am sad.

Everyone deserves to be around loving people.

Especially when you are sad.

Today I also want to say, that YOU have to be the person to allow those people into your life.  You can't hide out in your room, alone, feeling sorry for yourself.

Get out there and go find the people who love you!

Here I go,

M

Today among other days

Today was kinda a crazy day. Parts were boring, I got tired, there were some obstacles, tears were shed, and my husband's dear grandfather passed away.  

Oh, and it's not even 1pm.  Today I learned I have a lot of ways to grow!  I worry too much about stupid things, things that don't really matter: like whether or not my iPhone has enough battery or when can I make it to the closest gas station cuz I'm in dying need of a DP!  I'm too judgmental and I compare too often.  Does it really matter if TJMaxx is better than Ross? Nope!  Does it really matter if Coke is better than Pepsi? Really? Nope again!

FAMILY is what is really important!  Not the readership of my silly blog, though apparently that haunts my thoughts daily, not when we are going to move back to New York or when we are going to buy our plane tickets for that matter!  Family is priority!  So today I pray for my sweet grand father-in-law in heaven and all the lives that were dependent on his love because they will miss him!  I pray for my little sister who is trying to figure out her place during her first week of college, my mom who's adjusting to no kids living at home, me adjusting to having no home, and anyone else who needs a prayer or wants to be part of my family!  My family is always open, and, my friends, prayer works!!!